Essays

Here’s a page of essays, not all of which are entirely serious…

Dunking

Dunking, that is, dipping a biscuit into tea so as to moisten it, is a very British thing I think. Whilst I’m sure other nations may occasionally engage in the activity, it’s something I associate mostly with the UK, and is something i’ve practised since my childhood. 

There is an art and science to dunking biscuits in tea. It is not an activity one can approach without forethought, and it requires skill to ensure it’s done correctly. By correctly I mean of course that the dunking happens without incident, and in such a way as to ensure the best flavour and texture is created. Here then, is a guide to the correct way in which to dunk biscuits.

The Tea

I will not discuss the manner in which tea should be made here, but I will assume that it has been made with boiling water. Should any of you make tea with water that is simply ‘hot’; well then, the less said about that the better…

The dichotomy here is that although the tea should be made with boiling water, dunking a biscuit into very hot tea is a foolish endeavour. Should you do so, you’ll end up with a soggy tasteless thing that’s not fit for civilised consumption. Therefore, you must exercise patience and wait for the tea to cool, without it becoming tepid or cold. There is a ‘sweet spot’ tea temperature, and regular practice is therefore necessary. You will eventually know intuitively when to begin dunking.

Black tea is the correct type for use in dunking. I have not tried dunking in other types of tea (such as green or herbal teas), but it sounds like a recipe for disaster. I would imagine many would view dunking in these exotic teas to be uncivilised, possibly even barbaric, and I therefore urge caution if trying this.

The Biscuit

It’s important to note that the word ‘biscuit’ as used here refers to the British understanding of biscuit. Specifically, the biscuits used for dunking are of the sweet variety, most common of which (in the UK) is the ‘digestive’. In the US these would be called ‘cookies’ I think, which is an acceptable term to use only when it is consumed without tea. The rule is; if you’re dunking in tea, it’s a biscuit.

Many types of biscuit are suitable dunkers. It’s better to avoid the ‘sandwich’ type biscuits (such as custard creams) when dunking, since this creates cohesion problems. Better to leave these types to advanced dunkers, and concentrate on the standard single layer biscuit initially. A digestive is perhaps the ideal dunking biscuit, although the conservatively minded might prefer a rich tea, whereas the hobnob is the choice for the risk takers amongst you.

When selecting a biscuit for dunking, check for biscuit flaws. Many packets of biscuits are sadly mishandled by over zealous supermarket employees, and this results in some of them having barely visible cracks. These aren’t often noticeable until the dunk is in progress. At this point, disaster ensues with the dreaded ‘biscuit break’ and ensuing ‘biscuit slop’ (see below). 

A good way to check for flaws is to give the biscuit a delicate flick or tap. This may result in the biscuit breaking of course, but at least you won’t have it fall into your tea.

The Cup

Before dunking, you should check the cup or mug being used. Of particular importance is the diameter of the receptacle. It is quite possible for your biscuit to be too large for the cup, allowing only a minimal dunk, or no dunk at all. You’ll then need to attempt the ‘controlled break’; intentionally breaking the biscuit so as to be able to achieve a substantial dunk.

Beginners are advised to perform a two handed break, holding the biscuit at either side and exerting pressure so as to break the biscuit in half. With practice, this can be achieved so that it results in two pieces, rather than having the biscuit fragment into several sections.

The more advanced technique is the one handed break, by bracing the biscuit against the thumb and using the other fingers of the same hand to exert a downward pressure on either side. An even, two section break using this method is the mark of a true connoisseur. 

Note that any type of biscuit break inevitably generates crumbs. To avoid spreading the crumbs, you may wish to try the ‘in packet break’. This involves use of a one handed break whilst the biscuit is still in the (opened) packet, so that you can then remove just one section of biscuit to dunk, and return to the second section after a successful dunking of the first piece.

Dunking 

Finally we arrive at the actual dunk itself. Whilst there are several things to consider for the dunking procedure, the single most important thing, to ensure a successful, incident free dunk, is dunk angle. 

When dunking we naturally insert the narrow biscuit edge into the tea. This is as it should be, and is an efficient way to position the biscuit. It is most important to ensure that this angle is maintained on the dunk exit however, when the biscuit is withdrawn from the tea. If you turn the biscuit away from this angle, so that the narrow edge is no longer pointing down, you increase the surface area affected by gravity and this can then result in the worst of dunking disasters – the flop; when the biscuit breaks and a sloppy mess falls away (and onto the table, floor or lap). Adjust dunk angle only at the point of eating (that is, as you’re putting it in your mouth).

The depth of the dunk should be enough to ensure most of the biscuit is inserted into the tea, whilst avoiding the small section of biscuit held by the fingers. Putting fingers into your tea to ensure complete biscuit insertion is the mark of a cad, and is to be eschewed. 

The duration of the dunk varies, and will need adjusting based on biscuit thickness, cohesion and ingredients, as well as tea temperature. There is no definitive rule as to duration, and again, practice is advised. For beginners, err on the side of a brief dunk, for a second or so, so avoid any incidents.

Dunking Failures

There are many ways in which a dunk can fail, from the mildly disappointing (a too soon dunk, for example) to the utterly horrifying (such as the dreaded flop). 

Firstly, ensure you know when to stop. When the tea gets too cool it is time to cease dunking, since your flavour return begins to diminish. If you must continue dunking, make another cup of tea and exercise patience.

A biscuit can break prior to the dunk, as a result of having a pre-existing flaw, and this can cause annoyance. As noted above, performing a quick check is advised, unless you’re sure the biscuit has been handled respectfully.

A break after a dunk may lead to the remnants falling back into the tea, which creates biscuit ‘slop’. This is a horrid sludge which will result the final sip of tea becoming a thing of nightmares, as one attempts to drink what is effectively beige slurry. Having a teaspoon at hand, to quickly scoop the slop out of the tea, is the only way to save the situation.

The other possibility for a biscuit break is having the slop fall somewhere else, such as in ones’ lap. This is another nightmare scenario, and not for civilised discussion.

Dunking Faux Pas

Finally there are dunking faux pas, and the civilised dunker is best served to ensure these are well noted. 

Perhaps the most common dunking faux pas is the ‘borrowed tea dunk’, in which a biscuit is dunked in another persons tea without their permission. This is the action of a savage; If you must dunk in another persons tea, be courteous enough to ask first.

Another potential faux pas is the homemade biscuit dunk. It is better to try the proffered homemade biscuit dry at first, and dunk when (and if) the biscuit baker does so themselves. Only if the biscuit proves to be too dry should you consider attempting a dunk. In this latter case, politely turning the discussion to arid subjects, such as favourite deserts, should give a subtle hint as to the biscuit condition without causing undue offence.

There are a few ‘biscuits’ which are unsuitable for dunking, such as those which are covered entirely in chocolate. Such biscuits cannot achieve the correct level of tea absorption without significant melting (after a prolonged dunk), which means the tea itself will then be impaired, leaving a greasy residue. Do yourself a favour and set these biscuits aside, to be consumed later and well away from tea.

Finally, do not let the uninformed make dunking errors in your presence. You possess knowledge others could benefit from after all, and it is your duty to pass on that understanding. Don’t let others dunk in ignorance.